conyo love letter no. 1
by Andy Lopez
"So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth."
– Revelation 3:16
‘Di nila ako binigyan ng1 map
so I Google Earthed a return path,
fashioned a glider out of palm leaves,
slicked the sails with oil.
My kite tails I teethed
with powdered glass—
may our enemies cut their hands
on our laughter!
All this to say:
tara lets, beybeh?2
I know: the road home is potholed
but diba sabi nga nila3
to love is to struggle.
Or should I say syncopate.
Este4 — sever.
We throw overboard
what we don’t need.
Because I wanted
to come home I culled the fat,
spliced & stitched my tongue
into a sail sturdy enough for
a discount kundiman
or two.
May5 price for this kind of crooked
alchemy, but consider: I never wanted
to be sweet. I wanted to burst
in the mouth like mutiny,
heinous & unruly & glorious, pare6
call me creature all you want.
Call me tiyanak7, parang like8,
lovechild of monstrous lore.
Regardless, I am born.
Midwife to my own bloody
darlings, my own slaughter,
este — daughter.
What I mean:
you don’t have to love me. Already
I am brimming from across the sea,
practicing arrival. I billow:
I am I am I am I am I?
all the way home,
where the waters are strange
with homecoming.
P.S: sorry if i offended you
P.P.S: i made this splint myself
–
“Conyo” is a hybrid vernacular common in the Philippines that is a melange of Filipino, English, and Spanish. Speakers of conyo often are subject to ridicule, because of 1) its surgical methods of code-switching, sometimes in the middle of a sentence (ex. “Can you galaw-galaw the baso?”) and 2) its association to the Philippine elite often found using the language. While conyo has received a bad reputation, many have argued that it should be embraced as a language in its own right, a reflection of the Philippines’ shifting, hybrid identities.Often, in private schools and in many households in the Philippines, English is the medium of choice, and students found speaking in Filipino are punished. As these students enter the world, struggling to wield “straight Filipino” they cobble together words or overheard phrases in attempt to communicate, creating the unwritten rules for the language called “conyo” today.
1 They didn't give me (Filipino)
2 Are you ready, baby? (slang) (Filipino)
3 didn't they say (Filipino)
4 I mean (Spanish)
5 There is (Filipino)
6 dude (slang) (Filipino)
7 A vampiric creature in Philippine mythology that takes on the form of a baby
8 like (Filipino) – “Parang like” literally translates to “Like like”, a common yet ridiculed phrase
Andy Lopez is a writer and nonprofit communications director from the Philippines. Her work has been published in Longleaf Review, CHEAP POP, Non.Plus Lit, and other magazines and anthologies. Find her on Twitter at @andylopezwrites.